trapped inside

i have always felt for as long as i can remember that i was a skinny, medium boobed girl, trapped in a thinnish small boobed body.

maybe i should start from a more clear point. i have always, at least since i knew what they were, wanted breast implants. i always wanted to have those full gorgeous breasts that victoria's secret models had. i realize that may be somewhat unrealistic, but that's how i have always been.

it was something that i didn't want to do too young in my life and i never wanted to look too fake. i wanted to be more carmen electra than pamela anderson.

well, i am now 27 years old (almost 28) and have decided that this is the year. i am ready to have the body that i have always pictured myself having. the toned, tanned, and larger breast version of my current self.

last thursday i had my first consultation. the doctor was referred to me by a friend who has had hers done and whose boob job i liked. so, i ventured up to 77th street to see dr. neimann. aside from liking his work, there was a major downside. his pricetag was wayyy more than i had in my head that i would be paying, well financing, and much much more than i could possibly ever afford.

in some ways, my first consultation may not have been the best idea. not only can i now not think about hardly anything else except achieving this "perfect" body, but now i also know what is wrong with my currently "less than perfect" breasts. apparently one of them is fuller than the other (not that uncommon). the same one also goes further down my chest and my nipple is higher. so my robo-boob is a little special. i am not entirely surprised that i would have the one boob that has uncommon traits. apparently when your boob falls lower, it rarely has a nipple that sits higher. yay for me. the downside of knowing all of this is that i now obsess over it. i can't look in the mirror without noticing how this one boob sits lower.

in traditional me fashion, with being obsessed with it, i am also convinced that i can find a far better deal. so, after leaving the doctor's office with my lower and fuller boob in tow, i called my mother. i am aware that this may not be a typical mother daughter moment, but we are not a typical mother daughter. instead of trying to dissuade me (as she realizes that this will do nothing other than convince me further to do it), she volunteers to start making calls to her friends to find out which doctors they recommend. my boob job project went from being a new york only idea to a full-fledged US exploration.

after a couple of facebook messages and some stalking of old friends, i now have 4 prospective doctors. 1 in omaha, nebraska, 1 in lake oswego, oregon and 2 in new york. i have now seen 1 of the doctors in new york. i am scheduled to meet the doctor in omaha on friday at 1pm. as for the 2nd new york doctor, i may have found myself a sweet deal. the doctor has offices in new york and wisconsin. i called his new york office and he was going to be the same price as doc 1. so i scheduled a consultation. figure it couldn't hurt at this point. then i called his office in wisconsin. i found out that the procedure there costs roughly $5K less and plane tickets are only $200. and here's the catch that i worked out. i can do my consultation in new york, do the surgery in wisconsin and do the post-op visits in new york.

stay tuned for the result....will report back after the omaha visit.

oohhraaa...

hit a personal best last night. was at the gym trying to go to yoga and was 10 mins late, so no namaste for this chicadee.

hopped on the treadmill with the intent of running 4 miles. about 3 in, i decided that i was going to hit 6 miles. when i reached 5, i thought what the hell and decided to go to 8. so, 80 mins later of running and i had finished 8 miles.

it felt amazing!! that was my personal best that i have ever hit. one small problem afterward. my right groin muscle is hurting. given it is my fault because i didn't really stretch myself out after.

stocked up on a big thing of chocolate milk as this is supposed to aid in recovery.

going to see how i feel by the end of today, but most likely sticking to strength training tonight. i do have to say that i was shocked that i felt like i could have kept going. i have just never spent that much time on the treadmill and always felt that i couldn't do it.

they always say in yoga that you are supposed to dedicate your practice to something and decide what your intent is for the day. i guess mine was to have a KICK ASS run and be able to walk the next day.

i got a couple of half marathon listings from a colleague today. going to see if i can do this. then it is one thing i can cross off of my life to-do list.

namaste....

i made it through 4th of july weekend. i'll admit that i was not as good as i should have been in terms of watching what i ate and drank. but, it is a new week and i am determined to get myself back on track.

i weighed myself this morning, which was not helpful. however, i signed up for jillian michaels website last night. she is offering a 4-week free membership to her site complete with menus and workout plans. so far the menus seem pretty yummy and reasonable. need to head to the grocery store to stock up on healthy options for the week.

i think the best way to describe me currently is discouraged, but not broken.

stay tuned...

Rome wasn't built in a day...

As i was walking to the subway tonight on my way to bootcamp, i thought of something that is important for me to remember in this whole process.

it took me a lot longer than two weeks to put this weight on, so i shouldn't expect for it all to disappear in just two weeks of hardcore working out and watching my diet. this is going to be a process.

baby steps mon cherie....