i have always felt for as long as i can remember that i was a skinny, medium boobed girl, trapped in a thinnish small boobed body.
maybe i should start from a more clear point. i have always, at least since i knew what they were, wanted breast implants. i always wanted to have those full gorgeous breasts that victoria's secret models had. i realize that may be somewhat unrealistic, but that's how i have always been.
it was something that i didn't want to do too young in my life and i never wanted to look too fake. i wanted to be more carmen electra than pamela anderson.
well, i am now 27 years old (almost 28) and have decided that this is the year. i am ready to have the body that i have always pictured myself having. the toned, tanned, and larger breast version of my current self.
last thursday i had my first consultation. the doctor was referred to me by a friend who has had hers done and whose boob job i liked. so, i ventured up to 77th street to see dr. neimann. aside from liking his work, there was a major downside. his pricetag was wayyy more than i had in my head that i would be paying, well financing, and much much more than i could possibly ever afford.
in some ways, my first consultation may not have been the best idea. not only can i now not think about hardly anything else except achieving this "perfect" body, but now i also know what is wrong with my currently "less than perfect" breasts. apparently one of them is fuller than the other (not that uncommon). the same one also goes further down my chest and my nipple is higher. so my robo-boob is a little special. i am not entirely surprised that i would have the one boob that has uncommon traits. apparently when your boob falls lower, it rarely has a nipple that sits higher. yay for me. the downside of knowing all of this is that i now obsess over it. i can't look in the mirror without noticing how this one boob sits lower.
in traditional me fashion, with being obsessed with it, i am also convinced that i can find a far better deal. so, after leaving the doctor's office with my lower and fuller boob in tow, i called my mother. i am aware that this may not be a typical mother daughter moment, but we are not a typical mother daughter. instead of trying to dissuade me (as she realizes that this will do nothing other than convince me further to do it), she volunteers to start making calls to her friends to find out which doctors they recommend. my boob job project went from being a new york only idea to a full-fledged US exploration.
after a couple of facebook messages and some stalking of old friends, i now have 4 prospective doctors. 1 in omaha, nebraska, 1 in lake oswego, oregon and 2 in new york. i have now seen 1 of the doctors in new york. i am scheduled to meet the doctor in omaha on friday at 1pm. as for the 2nd new york doctor, i may have found myself a sweet deal. the doctor has offices in new york and wisconsin. i called his new york office and he was going to be the same price as doc 1. so i scheduled a consultation. figure it couldn't hurt at this point. then i called his office in wisconsin. i found out that the procedure there costs roughly $5K less and plane tickets are only $200. and here's the catch that i worked out. i can do my consultation in new york, do the surgery in wisconsin and do the post-op visits in new york.
stay tuned for the result....will report back after the omaha visit.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
oohhraaa...
hit a personal best last night. was at the gym trying to go to yoga and was 10 mins late, so no namaste for this chicadee.
hopped on the treadmill with the intent of running 4 miles. about 3 in, i decided that i was going to hit 6 miles. when i reached 5, i thought what the hell and decided to go to 8. so, 80 mins later of running and i had finished 8 miles.
it felt amazing!! that was my personal best that i have ever hit. one small problem afterward. my right groin muscle is hurting. given it is my fault because i didn't really stretch myself out after.
stocked up on a big thing of chocolate milk as this is supposed to aid in recovery.
going to see how i feel by the end of today, but most likely sticking to strength training tonight. i do have to say that i was shocked that i felt like i could have kept going. i have just never spent that much time on the treadmill and always felt that i couldn't do it.
they always say in yoga that you are supposed to dedicate your practice to something and decide what your intent is for the day. i guess mine was to have a KICK ASS run and be able to walk the next day.
i got a couple of half marathon listings from a colleague today. going to see if i can do this. then it is one thing i can cross off of my life to-do list.
namaste....
hopped on the treadmill with the intent of running 4 miles. about 3 in, i decided that i was going to hit 6 miles. when i reached 5, i thought what the hell and decided to go to 8. so, 80 mins later of running and i had finished 8 miles.
it felt amazing!! that was my personal best that i have ever hit. one small problem afterward. my right groin muscle is hurting. given it is my fault because i didn't really stretch myself out after.
stocked up on a big thing of chocolate milk as this is supposed to aid in recovery.
going to see how i feel by the end of today, but most likely sticking to strength training tonight. i do have to say that i was shocked that i felt like i could have kept going. i have just never spent that much time on the treadmill and always felt that i couldn't do it.
they always say in yoga that you are supposed to dedicate your practice to something and decide what your intent is for the day. i guess mine was to have a KICK ASS run and be able to walk the next day.
i got a couple of half marathon listings from a colleague today. going to see if i can do this. then it is one thing i can cross off of my life to-do list.
namaste....
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
i made it through 4th of july weekend. i'll admit that i was not as good as i should have been in terms of watching what i ate and drank. but, it is a new week and i am determined to get myself back on track.
i weighed myself this morning, which was not helpful. however, i signed up for jillian michaels website last night. she is offering a 4-week free membership to her site complete with menus and workout plans. so far the menus seem pretty yummy and reasonable. need to head to the grocery store to stock up on healthy options for the week.
i think the best way to describe me currently is discouraged, but not broken.
stay tuned...
i weighed myself this morning, which was not helpful. however, i signed up for jillian michaels website last night. she is offering a 4-week free membership to her site complete with menus and workout plans. so far the menus seem pretty yummy and reasonable. need to head to the grocery store to stock up on healthy options for the week.
i think the best way to describe me currently is discouraged, but not broken.
stay tuned...
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Rome wasn't built in a day...
As i was walking to the subway tonight on my way to bootcamp, i thought of something that is important for me to remember in this whole process.
it took me a lot longer than two weeks to put this weight on, so i shouldn't expect for it all to disappear in just two weeks of hardcore working out and watching my diet. this is going to be a process.
baby steps mon cherie....
it took me a lot longer than two weeks to put this weight on, so i shouldn't expect for it all to disappear in just two weeks of hardcore working out and watching my diet. this is going to be a process.
baby steps mon cherie....
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Drop and give me 20...
as some of you know, i am a big supporter and fanatic of bootcamp. pretty sure i seem like a crazy person to some of my more sane friends, but i absolutely love it. i take my bootcamp through "Bootcamp Republic". (www.bootcamprepublic.com)
i absolutely love my trainer, Tanya. she is an adorable aussie chick who has transplanted to nyc. i have been taking bootcamp classes on and off for about a year with her. the real testament for me of how bootcamp works was a girl in my class last year who was about 5' tall and not fat, but overall just a little pudgy and soft. i saw her this year for the first time and she looked INCREDIBLE! she has lost 10 lbs throughout the course of the year by making bootcamp her regular workout. now, that is only super amazing in the fact that bootcamp has added more muscle than i have had since at least my high school cheerleading days. so, you figure she has lost at least 15 pounds of fat, while gaining at least 5 pounds of muscle.
i had bootcamp last night. for those of you in the nyc area as of late, you will know that it was about 90 degrees outside with what felt like 90 percent humidity. i consider myself to be pretty in shape at this point, but i was struggling. every move took that much more energy and cardio strength. however, i will admit that it does feel amazing to have your trainer continually giving you assignments "for those who want to kick it up a notch". what she should say is "for lauren and all of you other type-A freaks who would never back down from a challenge...here's what you can do". let's just be honest about that. i have never turned down a "if you want to push yourself harder".
so far, i have been pretty good about the drinking rules i set out for myself. have been having sparkling water at home with dinner. don't really miss it. i think it is probably because i am not totally depriving myself.
have to get through 4-5 miles tonight running. planning on weighing myself on friday morning to see what kind of progress i have made in roughly a week since my last weigh in.
peace, love and chardonnay
i absolutely love my trainer, Tanya. she is an adorable aussie chick who has transplanted to nyc. i have been taking bootcamp classes on and off for about a year with her. the real testament for me of how bootcamp works was a girl in my class last year who was about 5' tall and not fat, but overall just a little pudgy and soft. i saw her this year for the first time and she looked INCREDIBLE! she has lost 10 lbs throughout the course of the year by making bootcamp her regular workout. now, that is only super amazing in the fact that bootcamp has added more muscle than i have had since at least my high school cheerleading days. so, you figure she has lost at least 15 pounds of fat, while gaining at least 5 pounds of muscle.
i had bootcamp last night. for those of you in the nyc area as of late, you will know that it was about 90 degrees outside with what felt like 90 percent humidity. i consider myself to be pretty in shape at this point, but i was struggling. every move took that much more energy and cardio strength. however, i will admit that it does feel amazing to have your trainer continually giving you assignments "for those who want to kick it up a notch". what she should say is "for lauren and all of you other type-A freaks who would never back down from a challenge...here's what you can do". let's just be honest about that. i have never turned down a "if you want to push yourself harder".
so far, i have been pretty good about the drinking rules i set out for myself. have been having sparkling water at home with dinner. don't really miss it. i think it is probably because i am not totally depriving myself.
have to get through 4-5 miles tonight running. planning on weighing myself on friday morning to see what kind of progress i have made in roughly a week since my last weigh in.
peace, love and chardonnay
Thursday, June 24, 2010
I'm not 23 anymore....
food, exercise and weight are things that i have struggled with my entire life if i am being brutally honest with myself. somewhere along the lines, i woke up and was no longer 23, no longer had the body that i had worked so hard for in high school and was feeling lost. i couldn't fathom that i could possibly gain 15 pounds from what my weight was in my head.
aside from the random weight gain freshman year (i was introduced to bars and not having to work out 15 hours a week for cheerleading) and the weight gain while abroad in spain (i was eating 4-5 full meals a day and drinking my weight in beer while not working out), i have always been relatively the same weight. sure there was the jump from being a competitive cheerleader working out 15 hours a week and being in high school to being in college and a bit more sedentary. but the difference was 5 pounds. however, every time that one of these increases happened, it had been so easy to do something about. i just increased the amount i worked out.
i had noticed about a year ago that i was about 5-7 pounds heavier than i liked being. i chalked it up to the fact that i couldn't work out because my deviated septum pretty much prevented me from breathing. so, i started working out again.
then, i am not really certain why i didn't notice a difference, but all of the sudden, i weighed myself and i was about 10-15 pounds heavier than i liked being. now, there are many things that i could blame this on. i took a new job in december of 2009 that requires me to travel fairly extensively in the spring/summer. from this switch i have completely adjusted my lifestyle too. i am sitting literally all day whereas before, i was running around like a crazy person, trying to finish the 100 things that i had on my list for the day. but, the bottom line was that i was not working out as much as i should, i was eating much worse than i should be to maintain a healthy weight and lastly, i was no longer 23.
i wish that i had never learned to love food. when i was younger, my mom always said that my approach to food was much like my father's. i ate because i had to, not because i really loved it. don't get me wrong. my mother was a fantastic chef. she really liked cooking gourmet food. but, i never really enjoyed eating it. i didn't appreciate all of the wonderful things that were out there.
it was probably about the time of college that i really started to enjoy food. i began working in restaurants and getting to sample all of these wonderful creations. and i started experimenting on my own. i would try to replicate dishes that were made in various restaurants, while adding my own touches to make them unique and different. and then the schuldt family happened to me. part of my nannying job with them was to make dinner for the family every night. they provided enough food that i could take home dinner too. these were not simple recipes folks. but, they were all from cooking light or weight watchers. wish i still had that recipe book.
i will admit that i am lazy when it comes to cooking. i love making these huge meals for lots of people to enjoy and having dining being an experience. unfortunately, that doesn't always work so well for a busy girl in nyc. often times, i will be getting home at 8 or 9 and at that point, i pretty much just grab something on the go and call it a night.
so, here we are today. i have about 8-10 lbs to lose. my friends tell me that i look good, but i am still not happy. things just don't fit like they used to and to me, that is unacceptable. i have adjusted my expectations to what i think is realistic for my age/height/body type. i don't know about you, but i find it really frustrating that i don't know what i am trying to hit weight wise. i don't know what is realistic. i just have this picture in my head. so, i am working towards that.
i am now one week in on my journey. not certain how much weight i have lost, but i am feeling better about the way things are looking.
Here's how I think I am going to achieve this:
aside from the random weight gain freshman year (i was introduced to bars and not having to work out 15 hours a week for cheerleading) and the weight gain while abroad in spain (i was eating 4-5 full meals a day and drinking my weight in beer while not working out), i have always been relatively the same weight. sure there was the jump from being a competitive cheerleader working out 15 hours a week and being in high school to being in college and a bit more sedentary. but the difference was 5 pounds. however, every time that one of these increases happened, it had been so easy to do something about. i just increased the amount i worked out.
i had noticed about a year ago that i was about 5-7 pounds heavier than i liked being. i chalked it up to the fact that i couldn't work out because my deviated septum pretty much prevented me from breathing. so, i started working out again.
then, i am not really certain why i didn't notice a difference, but all of the sudden, i weighed myself and i was about 10-15 pounds heavier than i liked being. now, there are many things that i could blame this on. i took a new job in december of 2009 that requires me to travel fairly extensively in the spring/summer. from this switch i have completely adjusted my lifestyle too. i am sitting literally all day whereas before, i was running around like a crazy person, trying to finish the 100 things that i had on my list for the day. but, the bottom line was that i was not working out as much as i should, i was eating much worse than i should be to maintain a healthy weight and lastly, i was no longer 23.
i wish that i had never learned to love food. when i was younger, my mom always said that my approach to food was much like my father's. i ate because i had to, not because i really loved it. don't get me wrong. my mother was a fantastic chef. she really liked cooking gourmet food. but, i never really enjoyed eating it. i didn't appreciate all of the wonderful things that were out there.
it was probably about the time of college that i really started to enjoy food. i began working in restaurants and getting to sample all of these wonderful creations. and i started experimenting on my own. i would try to replicate dishes that were made in various restaurants, while adding my own touches to make them unique and different. and then the schuldt family happened to me. part of my nannying job with them was to make dinner for the family every night. they provided enough food that i could take home dinner too. these were not simple recipes folks. but, they were all from cooking light or weight watchers. wish i still had that recipe book.
i will admit that i am lazy when it comes to cooking. i love making these huge meals for lots of people to enjoy and having dining being an experience. unfortunately, that doesn't always work so well for a busy girl in nyc. often times, i will be getting home at 8 or 9 and at that point, i pretty much just grab something on the go and call it a night.
so, here we are today. i have about 8-10 lbs to lose. my friends tell me that i look good, but i am still not happy. things just don't fit like they used to and to me, that is unacceptable. i have adjusted my expectations to what i think is realistic for my age/height/body type. i don't know about you, but i find it really frustrating that i don't know what i am trying to hit weight wise. i don't know what is realistic. i just have this picture in my head. so, i am working towards that.
i am now one week in on my journey. not certain how much weight i have lost, but i am feeling better about the way things are looking.
Here's how I think I am going to achieve this:
- journaling everything i eat (well, i didn't keep very accurate records this weekend)
- cutting out alcohol except for one night a week of moderate to heavy drinking and if the opportunity for one other night presents itself, I will only have 1-2 drinks
- working out like a banchee - in all seriousness, i am doing bootcamp for 90 mins, two - three times a week, running/elliptical for 45+ mins at least 3-4 times a week
- somehow learning to accept my body along the way and not be so hard on myself
Finally...a topic. And a pretty good one at that.
I have been trying to figure out what the content of this blog should be for several weeks now. Having heard many suggestions from colleagues and friends alike, I just felt like there was something missing. On Monday of this week, it hit me. I would write about me. My life. My struggles, accomplishments, falls. And whatever what relevant to my life at the time. so, here goes. hope you enjoy.
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